The Case for Saying Less

There is a particular kind of bad conversation where one person is doing all the work. Usually he knows it. He can hear himself filling every gap, adding one more sentence to something that already landed, and the harder he works the flatter it gets.

The instinct is understandable. Silence feels like failure, so you patch it. But a pause is not a hole in the conversation — it's the part where the other person decides they want to keep going.

A pause is not a hole in the conversation. It's the part where the other person decides they want to keep going.

Try this: answer a question, then stop. Don't add the qualifier. Don't explain the joke. Count two seconds before you say anything else. It is genuinely uncomfortable the first few times, and then it isn't, and then you notice people finishing their own thoughts instead of being talked over.

The other benefit is that you get to listen, which is harder than it sounds when half your attention is drafting the next thing you'll say. Most people can tell the difference immediately.